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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726946">don't threaten me with a good time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_gayward_son/pseuds/carry_on_my_gayward_son'>carry_on_my_gayward_son</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Any way the wind blows, Baz Pitch - Freeform, High School AU, M/M, Normal AU, Simon Snow - Freeform, SnowBaz, carry on, love simon but not, mentions of Dev and Niall, mentions of agatha wellbelove - Freeform, penny bunce - Freeform, texting au, wayward son</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:00:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_gayward_son/pseuds/carry_on_my_gayward_son</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon and Baz aren't friends. But they're not enemies either. They just go to school together. But even that's not true. Baz is in love and Simon has a crush.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Snowbaz - Relationship, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don't threaten me with a good time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was originally on my Wattpad (I think. It might've been on my Tumblr instead) and as usual, I figured I'd post this here so that it's available to a wider audience.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>11:37pm</em><br/>
simon_snow: hi can you please send me the greek homework</p><p>football.pitch: Uh yeah, but you do know that it's due next week, right?</p><p><em>football.pitch sent a phot</em>o</p><p>simon_snow: thanks</p><p> </p><p><em>2:12pm</em><br/>
simon_snow: how are you staying awake? the minotaur is so boring</p><p>football.pitch: I never pass up the opportunity to correct a teacher.</p><p>simon_snow: you sound just like penny</p><p>football.pitch: You mean Bunce?</p><p>simon_snow: yeah</p><p>football.pitch: I don't know if that's supposed to be a compliment or not.</p><p>simon_snow: she's my best friend so I guess it's supposed to be a compliment</p><p>football.pitch: Okay. Well, I'm gonna go so that I don't get detention.</p><p>simon_snow: k ttyl</p><p> </p><p><em>4:39pm</em><br/>
football.pitch: What did you get for question seven?</p><p>simon_snow: I thought you were basically fluent in greek</p><p>football.pitch: Oh sorry. I meant for the maths homework.</p><p>simon_snow: I got 37m³</p><p>football.pitch: I may not be a mathematician, but I know that that is NOT the answer.</p><p>simon_snow: well I'm useless. I usually get penny or agatha to do my homework</p><p>simon_snow: well not agatha anymore</p><p>football.pitch: Did you two break up?</p><p>simon_snow: she dumped me because she has a crush on you</p><p>football.pitch: Well that's a shame because I'm as straight as Dean Winchester.</p><p>simon_snow: who</p><p>football.pitch: -_-</p><p>simon_snow: omg no stop never use faces again</p><p>football.pitch: -_-   XD</p><p>simon_snow: STAWP</p><p>football.pitch: Make me.</p><p>simon_snow: DONT THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME</p><p>football.pitch: EXCUSE ME WAS THAT A PANIC! REFERENCE?</p><p>simon_snow: maybe</p><p>football.pitch: MARRY ME?</p><p>simon_snow: I mean like sure</p><p>football.pitch: WHAT?!</p><p>simon_snow: okay then. I'll just go google dean winchester while you calm yourself down</p><p>football.pitch: GOOGLE DESTIEL INSTEAD! THE RESULTS ARE ONE HUNDRED TIMES BETTER</p><p> </p><p><em>6:03pm</em><br/>
simon_snow: so I got a tiny bit carried away and ended up reading something called smut and umm now I've got an anatomy related issue</p><p>football.pitch: *claps slowly*</p><p>simon_snow: don't attack me like this. what do I do</p><p>football.pitch: You're seventeen, right?</p><p>simon_snow: yes</p><p>football.pitch: Haven't you ever had a cheeky wank before?</p><p>simon_snow: no??</p><p>football.pitch: OMG I can't believe I'm having this conversation.</p><p>simon_snow: BAAZZZ HELP MEE</p><p>football.pitch: Snow, that's really inappropriate.</p><p>simon_snow: ugh just tell me what to do</p><p>football.pitch: I DONT NEED THIS JUST GO HAVE A COLD SHOWER.</p><p>simon_snow: now would be a bad time to mention that my shower is broken and currently being fixed</p><p>football.pitch: -_-UGH FINE</p><p>simon_snow: I'm kidding I know what wanking is</p><p>football.pitch: I HATE YOU</p><p>simon_snow: soz boi</p><p>football.pitch: That's it. Bye. Nope. I'm out.</p><p>simon_snow: aw baz no come back</p><p> </p><p><em>4:23a</em>m<br/>
football.pitch: I just wanna say I think you're super cute, and sorry if this is weird, but I really like you.</p><p> </p><p><em>6:53am</em><br/>
simon_snow: why were you awake at 4</p><p>football.pitch: 4:23 to be exact.</p><p>simon_snow: so you like me?</p><p>football.pitch: Uh well I mean the mere thought of you wanking got me hard, but like that also happens whenever I think about Jensen Ackles. </p><p>simon_snow: is he dean winchester?</p><p>football.pitch: Yeah.</p><p>simon_snow: he is really attractive 11/10 would bang</p><p>football.pitch: what</p><p>simon_snow: you forgot your punctuation</p><p>football.pitch: I thought you were straight?</p><p>simon_snow: DoN'T aSSuMe PeoPLe'S SeXuaLiTieS BaSiL</p><p>football.pitch: Sorry.</p><p>simon_snow: it's fine but just so you know I don't know what I am all I know is I'm not straight</p><p>football.pitch: Well, I'm happy and here for you no matter what.</p><p>simon_snow: thanks baz</p><p>-</p><p>Baz stepped out onto the lawn at lunch and looked around awkwardly. Dev and Niall were on a French trip, but of course, Baz didn't take French so he was stuck at school.</p><p> </p><p><em>12:31pm</em><br/>
simon_snow: come over and sit with me and penny</p><p> </p><p>Baz looked up and saw Simon waving at him from the picnic table that he always saw the pair sitting at. He walked over to them slowly and sat down next to Simon.</p><p>"Hey Bunce," he said, looking up at her briefly.</p><p>She grunted in reply, giving Simon a dubious look. He shrugged in return before looking at Baz.</p><p>"Where are Dev and Niall?" Simon asked while shuffling slightly closer.</p><p>Baz looked up at the blond-haired boy. "They're on a French trip."</p><p>Suddenly, Penny started hurrying to pack up all her things.</p><p>"Where are you going?" Simon looked over, slightly concerned.</p><p>"I'm supposed to be in a French club meeting!" She yelled frantically before running off.</p><p>"I guess that just leaves the two of us."</p><p>"Well, if it's just us, then I might go to the library. I've got a history test coming up," Baz said, and then started to stand up.</p><p>"Don't be difficult, Baz," said Simon.</p><p>"I'm not difficult," Baz argued, but continued to gather his things.</p><p>"If you're not difficult, then sit back down."</p><p>Baz looked at Simon and sat back down. Simon leaned over to grab one of Baz's hands and held it with his own. Baz stared at their interlocked hands but didn't make a move to pull away.</p><p>"You always talk to me when I direct message you, but you never talk to me at school. Why? Is it Penny?" Simon asked, his gaze firmly planted on Baz's face.</p><p>Baz shrugged in reply and started to remove his hand from Simon's grasp. Simon grabbed Baz's shoulder and turned him towards himself.</p><p>"Baz, answer me," Simon demanded.</p><p>Baz finally looked up at the blue-eyed boy. "Simon...," he said.</p><p>And then Simon kissed him.</p><p> </p><p><em>4:37pm</em><br/>
football.pitch: Thank you for kissing me.</p><p>simon_snow: youre so formal</p><p>football.pitch: What was I supposed to say?</p><p>simon_snow: idk something flirty</p><p>football.pitch: I'd like to think that that won't be our last kiss ;)</p><p>simon_snow: good enough but STOP WITH THE FACES</p><p>football.pitch: Never.</p><p>simon_snow: wow youre stubborn</p><p>football.pitch: Have you met you?</p><p>simon_snow: shut up</p><p>football.pitch: Or what?</p><p>simon_snow: ill kiss you</p><p>football.pitch: I wouldn't be complaining.</p><p>simon_snow: maybe ill just have to do that then ;)</p><p>football.pitch: YES! You're using the faces! I have corrupted you!</p><p>simon_snow: you know what meet me outside your house in ten minutes you need that kiss sooner than I thought</p><p>football.pitch: Okay babe ;)</p><p>simon_snow: YOU SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO TEXT</p><p>simon_snow: MAKE IT FIVE MINUTES I NEED TO KISS YOU</p><p> </p>
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